Much like the wizard world felt toward Voldemort, or he-who-must-not-be-named, The Loveland Herald is scared to mention Loveland Magazine. Except in this case Loveland Magazine are the good freedom fighters, and The Loveland Herald is Voldemort.
Mulvey to Loveland Herald: Say my name
by Ricky Mulvey
In an already heated Granny’s Garden Amaryllis Race, The Loveland Herald attempted to remove Loveland Magazine from the Local Media competition by omitting Loveland Magazine’s competitors in their mention of the Media Race in their article. They said WLWT meteorologist Randi Rico and their own reporter Marika Lee were contestants, however tried to erase the Loveland Magazine team with a delete and paste.
Sources at the Loveland Herald claimed the mistake was a case of copy and paste gone awry.
In response to the "mistake", Loveland Magazine issued a press release that stated, “We are relatively certain we did not just fall of the turnip truck. In fact, we maintain we have never fallen out of any kind of truck, and while Sports Reporter Willie Lutz owns a truck, he assured us that it has never been filled with turnips.” Lutz said, "We're harvesting amaryllises here not turnips!"
When questioned why Loveland Magazine was omitted in the article, another unnamed source associated with the Herald said “Because Loveland Magazine is stupid and I hate them and I want them to go away, and they’re stupid idiots okay?”
The source also added that on March 20th at Symmes Park, the Loveland Herald will host an Amaryllis Race Party. “The party is going to be so much fun, and everyone is invited. We are going to have ice skating on the pond and cake and ice cream, and everyone is invited to be there except anyone involved in that stupid Loveland Magazine, because they are stupid and we hate them.”
Critics are also speculating that The Herald’s tactic may have been out of revenge as well. In recent months, The Loveland Herald, unable to find any news or reporters of their own, attempted to swipe new Loveland Magazine sports reporter, Willie Lutz.
“You’re dang right we wanted to steal that Lutz boy,” the unnamed source said. “And we were going to get away with it too if it weren’t for that Mulvey wiseacre."
“It’s no wonder the Herald acting irrational in this race,” said Loveland Magazine publisher David Miller. “They have been out to get us for years now, and now they are upset that they could not take Willie. Those folks must be drunk on revenge. ”
When the contestants from Loveland Magazine (myself, Willie Lutz, and Helen Davidson) discovered that the Loveland Herald had omitted our names we all gathered to each take down a pint of ice cream. The air was also really dusty at the ice cream shop too, so our eyes may have watered up a bit, but that was solely because of our allergies. In no way were we crying and eating away our feelings.
After the ice cream, we gathered at the Loveland Magazine studio, and Lutz shared an alternate theory on the Loveland Herald’s tactics.
“I think I know why The Loveland Herald did not mention us,” Willie said. “It’s because they are afraid of us. They are afraid of the competition. They are so afraid that we will win that they refuse to say our names.”
So my challenge to The Loveland Herald is quite simple. Stop being craven.